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When looking for our own self-development we are often bombarded by slogans that claim to show us the 'key to success', or steps that can guarantee that we 'win in life', no matter what it is we want. But, can we be winners and, more importantly, should we strive to be winners?

Life is hard; from the moment you are born, gasping for your first breath, till the moment you die, gasping for your last. Life throws many obstacles, frustrations and tragedies at us. And most of us feel powerless to prevent or avoid what is being thrown at us. It seems only natural and right to want to overcome these unpleasant events: to surmount them, to rid our lives of them, to win. When searching for the winning formula, we find many self-proclaimed experts who tell us that if we do as they do we too can be a successful winner like them. They preach that we only need a 'key' or a technique to acquire a winner's mentality to rid ourselves of failure. And, for a fee they'll show us how!

Should we be following in the footsteps of these win-at-all-cost gurus? It's awfully tempting, especially when we see the lifestyle that these people claim to have; the big house, the flash car, the smart clothes and the big cheesy grin. For these people life seems to be an ordered, mapped out plan with success upon success, win after win. So, should we be striving to win everything, just like them? I think not.

When I look closely at one of these 'winning gurus', I can see that there is something about them that is missing. Sure, they have all the material possessions I don't have. They have that look of confidence that I know I don't have. Life is easy for them, whereas I find it a real struggle at times. That big, assured grin can't hide what is missing; their humanity. A human being will and must experience failure and loss. The first step in being a successful human being is to accept this.

Life can't be planned and mapped out. We can't win everything we desire. We delude ourselves if we believe this, and we delude others if we preach it. Life is chaotic and without rhyme or reason. There are times when we will lose. Being successful in life isn't about winning; it's about loosing, and how we deal with loss.

If you're serious about self development then forget about winning and concentrate on loosing. A loser can often be a more fulfilled and better person than someone who knows nothing but winning. You learn more about the human condition through loss than through winning. The strongest, best people I have ever met have been the ones who have lost a great deal, sometimes everything, but who have had the strength to accept their loss and still believed that life was something beautiful and worth living.

About the Author

Robin O'Brien is founder of a website dedicated to self development which contains many self improvement tips and self improvement articles.