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Well Darlings,

It appears we've all survived the dreaded 6th day of the 6th month of the 6th year of this century unscathed, and that includes (so far, I believe) the 6lb 6oz baby boy born in the 6th hour of that day and named Damien after the devil child in the The Omen - he who was born on 6/6/66. You will have noted there were four sixes for the original Damien. There are even more for the new one: his mother, Suzanne Cooper, was induced 6 days before he arrived, and if you add that to the hour of birth and weight it gives us - wait for it - another 6! Suzanne, a horror film fan, is reported to have said: "We are overjoyed about the baby. The Omen is one of our favourite films and that's why I was keeping my legs crossed for a birth on the 6th."

That must have been one hell of a birth when after six days she did finally uncross her legs! I'm wondering if they called David Seaman in to the maternity ward to catch the little blighter! My mind pictures an explosion, with the baby ricocheting off the walls and David leaping to save it!

But what of the little lad given this cross to bear? With that name, and with being born on that date and time, he will be memorable, won't he? No doubt the subject of many jibes too, especially in his early years. But, like many gay people have, he may cope with the "difference" by trying harder to prove himself. He may turn out to be somebody of note.

I wonder if there are any clues in the anagrams for this "made in Cooper" child? He could be "demonic or ape". People might say: "No dopier came"; or tell us he is a "dope on a crime." He might yet be "a poor endemic", described only as "come on diaper" which forces him to concede: "O Man, do I creep!" But he could just as equally be a "Demonic Opera", one with "one prime coda" about which we proclaim: "O Man! Epic doer!", and to which he might return: "Ciao! Ponder me!" - and with a smile tell us: "I cope and more!"

Here's hoping you do cope, Damien. Good Luck!

But what of the other boy that some see as the anti-Christ? The one who was born in Edinburgh on May 6th 1953 and named: Anthony Charles Lynton Blair. He whose anagrams, strangely for a Labour Prime Minister but some might say accurately, include: "Christ! Tory nob. Heal-all nanny!"; "Shh! Tyrannic rant, all boloney."; "O Hell! Christ! Banal Tory nanny!"; and my favourite: "Born actor. Lethally nanny-ish." What of him? How is he faring?

Not too well, by all accounts - and especially by the National Health Service accounts. There's still nothing coming up roses in Tony's Hell.

The Government has come under pressure from peers to consider more the risks to personal liberty posed by their new laws. An all-party Lords Economic Affairs Committee report is critical that threats to personal freedoms are not adequately considered when the government is making policy. The report examines the Government's general approach to risk management and concludes there are problems with the way it is applied.

Citing as an example passive smoking, and the forthcoming ban on smoking in public places, the committee argue that the risks associated with passive smoking do not justify the ban. They say that greater attention should have been given to the scientific evidence which suggests that passive smoking in public places is a relatively minor problem when compared with passive smoking within the home. They say that: "failure to consider these matters properly has resulted in the introduction of a policy that appears to demonstrate the disproportionate response to the problem."

As if that wasn't enough bad news for Tony, the Information Commissioner, Richard Thomas, has ordered the Government to publish secret reports into the benefits and risks of ID cards. His ruling is that the voters should be allowed to see this information that was compiled by the Department of Work and Pensions - which leaves the government with just 30 days in which to decide whether or not to appeal against his decision. If they do, won't we all be wondering what they have to hide?

And then there's the news that Mark Serwotka, the general secretary of the Public and Commercial Services union - the country's biggest Civil Service union, will be calling on the Government to take responsibility for its policies, rather than rely on "crude scapegoating". He warns: "Our members will no longer tolerate being used as a punch bag by the Government, when it is their policies that are failing."

Then too there's Dr Paul Miller, the chairman of the British Medical Association's (BMA's) Consultants Committee, who says something is going "very badly wrong" with the Government's health policies. He claims: "Care is suffering, jobs are disappearing, patients and staff are paying the price. If a patient gets worse instead of better with treatment, then it's time to figure out whether the diagnosis or the treatment is wrong. Something is going very badly wrong with these health policies. It is time to call a halt, examine what is not working and why."

Dr Miller reckons the failings in the Health Service are caused by "bad policies and shocking incompetence inflicted on the whole service from the top, from Whitehall."

And we must not forget the former Labour cabinet minister Chris Smith, now Lord Smith, who has added to Tony Blair's troubles by publicly calling for him to resign during the next year. Lord Smith now adds his weight to an ever-growing throng of Labour politicians and supporters.

All in all, our Prime Minister is waist deep in the manure today, but - like the snow that falls on our railways - this must be the wrong kind of manure. (Haven't I been polite? You all know what word I wanted to use!) It's not the kind to produce anything sweet for Tony's garden, for this time he hasn't managed to come out of it smelling of roses. And the mess mentioned here is only a fraction of the total mess he now finds himself in. Add to it the sum of the last few weeks and I believe one would have quite some difficulty trying to recall another Prime Minister presiding over a government of so many disasters. I'm not sure there has been one in living memory quite this bad, has there? Certainly not one with so many chickens coming home to roost on so many fronts, and all at the same time!

Oh, well - Tony did want to go down in history, didn't he? I think he will definitely be remembered - as a man full of good intentions but, on the positive side, for little more than that. On the negative side, the Iraq war, the aftermath, the increased terrorism, and several other disturbingly bad points will always be associated with him. And I guess that's a real shame - not only for him, but for all of us. We, just like him, once had great hopes.

Moving on: I see stress expert Professor Cary Cooper of Lancaster University has said the findings of a survey, one carried out by vitamin firm Vitabiotics Wellman on 2,200 men and which revealed that one in three men are drinking alcohol to try to switch off from work, were "extremely worrying". Another statistic claimed that one in five of the men had suffered from depression or experienced aggressive outbursts as a result of stress. Professor Cooper says people in the UK are working increasingly long hours and that is having a negative effect on their health.

In today's age of rules, regulations, nanny laws, and a "claim for everything" society, I was not surprised to discover that male workers in our legal services were found to be the most stressed people out there. Perhaps they should make a claim off somebody for their stress? But that would mean even more work for them, wouldn't it? Recent successful claims for damages have been made by a schoolteacher for the stress she suffered, and by an Intel employee who became depressed when her workload increased.

Nevertheless, more work or not, I can see it coming: "Have you suffered from stress through no fault of your own? Ring Stress Claim-line now . . . " And THAT on my television set every fifteen minutes will really stress me out!

Finally some good news: Glamour Women of the Year Awards named Kylie Minogue as Woman of the Year. Kylie has thanked all her fans and supporters, saying: "Your support has been an enormous help and I hope to be back with you all in person very soon." The bottom line is she has a new album in progress, a comeback tour penned to start before the end of 2006, and then there are rumours of marriage to the French actor Olivier Martinez who she has described as her rock throughout her illness, and the wonderful guy behind her. With all the paparazzi in that position too, I guess it's a crowded place to be!

Other awards at the ceremony held in Mayfair's Berkeley Square Gardens included: Charlotte Church - UK Solo Artist of the Year; Swindon's Billie Piper - UK TV Actress of the Year; Liz Hurley - Entrepreneur of the Year; and Sharon Osbourne - TV Personality of the Year.

I see entertainer Michael Barrymore is to make his showbiz comeback in the UK by playing the title role in "Scrooge - The Musical" this Christmas. The production will be touring the UK and the producers are in talks to bring it to the West End.

The first dates released for the tour are: Wolverhampton's Grand Theatre (November 14-18), Aberdeen's His Majesty's Theatre (November 20-December 2), and Sunderland's Empire Theatre (December 5 - January 13). Blackpool? We shall have to wait and see, but if they do - I'll be there, centre-front! Full handbag - just in case! Awright!

Lastly, and it's not the best news for Michael Parkinson: Emu is back! The ferocious puppet that once destroyed Parky in an interview, scattering him and his script in an unprovoked attack of the big beak, will return to the small screen in a children's comedy series to be broadcast in 2007. Made by the company behind Big Brother, the feathery fiend cannot fail to be invited back on to Parkinson.

Emu, with his puppeteer Rod Hull, once attracted primetime audiences in excess of 11 million and they became a national institution. Since Rod's tragic death in 1999 - he fell off his roof through trying to fixing the TV aerial himself because the bird couldn't fly up there to do it! - Emu has had to suffer another's arm in his most private of places. When Emu was seen to be in need a new co-star, Rod's son, Toby, decided to put his hand up. He has now appeared alongside the famous feathers in several pantomimes.

On the back of the massive successes of "Emu's World" and "Emu's All Live Pink Windmill Show", the notorious biting beak made Rod Hull a multi-millionaire - but it didn't last for long and he was declared a bankrupt in 1994. Will Toby's manipulations today hit all the right spots for the bird to do it all again? I hope so. We need something ridiculous to temper the ridiculous world that we live in, and what better than Emu? I mean, if ever there really was a son born of Satan . . . Just ask Parky - he knows! And one day soon he may have to face the bird again to ask him how well the son measures up to the father! Somehow I don't think Emu will be the only one receiving a big hand that night! Priceless!

See you next week . . .

"The Bitch!" 9/06/06.

About the Author

"The Bitch!", a weekly UK News Review column, is hosted by the author and columnist Michael Knell. These articles appear on the Blackpool Gay Directory website, but are not specifically gay in content. More information on the author: http://www.michaelknell and on the directory: http://www.astabgay.com.